


Three Times Chris Keller Confessed

by trillingstar



Category: Oz (1997)
Genre: Confessions, Episode Related, Episode: s03e01 The Truth and Nothing But, Episode: s04e04 Works of Mercy, Fate, M/M, Protective Custody, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-01
Updated: 2008-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-06 18:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trillingstar/pseuds/trillingstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Chris Keller confesses.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a Five Times story, but now a Three Times story. All parts stand alone.  
> 

We're lying in bed together, Beecher's arm across my chest, spooned up and our legs entwined. I know I've got no right to say it, but it's been sitting heavy on the back of my tongue for weeks.

"Beech." Is he asleep?

"Mmm. Too tired right now," he murmurs.

I almost laugh at what he thinks I want. And if he wasn't mostly asleep, I'd convince him. But- "I- I thought. I thought if I said it out loud, it would be true." My whisper is almost inaudible, and for a second I think that maybe I've gotten away with it. Then his arm tightens around me, and he shifts, moves up.

"What?" He's awake now, and it's like I can hear his brain sweeping away the cobwebs and trying to pinpoint what I'm talking about.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." Yeah, sometimes I'm a coward.

"No, Chris. I heard you, I'm just... not - say it again." He's definitely confused now, and the rational part of me wants to reassure him and say something very different than what I just started. The guilty part takes control of my mouth and forms the words for me.

"In the gym. When. When we - when I hurt you."

He's squeezing his arm around me so tightly I think he might be trying to hurt me. S'okay. Nothin' I don't deserve.

He doesn't say anything for a long time, and then his arm shakes a little, his muscles tense.

Finally, he exhales noisily and says, "What about it?"

I feel like I can't _not_ be looking at him when I tell him this, but I'm afraid that if I flip over, I'll scare him, or I'll see it in his eyes: he's changed his mind, we're not gonna work, it's all fucked up, it's all gone bad.

He shakes my shoulder roughly. "Chris!"

I mimic him and let out a loud breath. I will my body to relax, even though it's already trying to jump out of the bunk.

"I thought if I said it out loud it would be true." My words all run together and I cringe inwardly.

His arm goes slack. Guess that's my cue to get out. When I start to move, he grabs my hip. "Wait, what?"

Why is he being so goddamn dense? Spurred by a burst of annoyance, I turn over and stare at him. The pod's as dark as it gets, which means I can still see Toby, and he actually does look confused.

"Okay, slow down. You thought if you told me what it'd be true?"

His tone is kinda chilly; he's thrown up some defenses, distancing himself from whatever I'm saying. I should know by now not to bring up that fuckin' mess. I'm shooting myself in the foot again; I'm shooting myself straight through the heart.

I thought I wanted to look him in the eyes when I said this, but now I'm not so sure, so I close my eyes and repeat what I'd just said... again.

Toby makes a noise somewhere between an angry growl and a frustrated whine, and I gotta see his face to know what he's thinking. His face is right up close to mine, staring right into my eyes, and I jerk back a little without even thinking. He follows me and presses his forehead up against mine. "Chris. If you said _what_ out loud?"

My mouth's full of spit all of a sudden and Toby being so close is making me hard and _shit_, this is not the time. I swallow. "That I never loved you."

This time it's Toby who jerks his head back and it's obvious he's gone from caring to _pissed the hell off_ in under a second.

"The _fuck_? Why are you telling me this?" He sounds offended, hurt, as if I'm shooting him in the heart instead of me. Maybe I am.

"Beecher... I'm saying... I thought if I said it, then I'd believe it, and it would be true. And for a minute, I did and it was. And then it wasn't, and I lie about love all the time." Shit, this wasn't coming out right. He's pulling his body back from mine now too.

"No, Toby, wait. I mean; I used to lie about love, if it helped me out, I'd say it. But you - I love you, and saying it out loud doesn't make it true or not, 'cause that don't matter. Only matters that I know it and you know it. And I just want you to know I do, and I did, and I never stopped." My voice sounds beseeching even to my ears, my body's frozen and all I can do is hold my breath while he decides my fate. Our fate. For someone who loves being in control as much as I do, I sure as hell give him a fuckin' lot of power over me.


	2. Chapter 2

The hack keeps walking; I've surrendered, palms out and open. Still huddled against the wall, Chris's body shakes, arms around his knees, bottom lip wet with saliva.

"I thought the worst part was I'd never see you again. I couldn't find… I couldn't get to you. I was in hell, alone, for eternity."

I kneel back down and rest a supplicating hand on his foot.

His voice is so small, at odds with his usual bluster. He looks at me then with shining eyes and his voice cracks.

"But the worst part, Toby: You were there. You were there too."


	3. Chapter 3

Well, fuck me. Protective custody. Not really where I'd been hoping to lay my head tonight. The bed doesn't even have covers or a pillow. My luck, I probably missed chow, too.

At least the cell's nice and big. It's strange to be looking through bars again, instead of the plexiglas, but what's weirder is how quiet the whole place is, and makes it way too easy to think about what I just gave up. Or maybe, what I gained.

~

Officer Mineo knocked, and then opened the door. "Got Keller here to see you," he announced, like McManus can't look out the window and see that for himself.

"Okay, bring him in," Tim said. I heard him shuffling some papers around, then this tapping noise. Likes to play with things, that man. I wondered if it was like an oral fixation, only for his hands. I could hear his knee knocking out a rhythm, double-time, from under the desk.

I was right on the threshold, 'cause I wasn't entirely sure I was gonna be able to do this – ratting people out's not really the reputation you want to build for yourself in prison. So I was keeping my expression real calm, but my guilty body kept giving me away: it couldn't decide whether to sit down or get the fuck out of Dodge.

And then Mineo decided for me. He pushed me into McManus's office and closed the door, so I thought what the hell, I'll do it. I mean, I knew I had to do it, but it's a little easier – well, it feels _better_ when there's no other choice. First Toby, then the hack... this was gonna work out just right.

McManus acted as if he was some kind of royalty, sitting up on his throne and granting permission for me to sit at his feet. And I'd just decided I was in for a penny _and_ a pound, so I sat. He kept right on playing around with his pencil, absently, like he didn't even realize it was in his hand.

But I wasn't about to lie down and spread my asscheeks wide for him. The level of interest in what I knew was gonna be real high, and I wanted some appreciation for it. He was either going to have to work for it, or pay something. He'd stop that payment after I told him how I knew all of it, but until we got to that part of the story, his expectant eyes and eager, sincere expression were mine.

"Got some info," I told him.

"Yeah?" He said, obviously not impressed. "What kind of information?"

I assured him that it was the best kind, and stopped myself just short of a wink. Openly leering at the man probably wasn't the right way to go here, but whatever he read on my face was enough to hook him.

"You're gonna have to give me more than that, Keller." He started up again with the pencil. Tap. Tap.

I scanned him forehead to chest, a slow, dragging look that didn't hold any heat. "Guessed so. You know, Tim..." I said, sliding down the seat of the chair, "Can I call you Tim? There's a story, of course." I hooked my fingers together on top of my head and focused on his chest. "As stories go, it's pretty juicy. Wanna hear my story, Tim?" I raked my gaze up to McManus's eyes, then down to his mouth, then even further down to the pencil again, which was beating out a rapid staccato on top of the desk. I can't say I didn't get some pleasure watching him blush when he realized what he was doing.

"Get to the point, Keller. Now," he said, trying for aggravated, but coming off more like whiny. Don't know what gave this man the idea he was any kind of a threat.

So I shot a cheeky grin his way, 'cause I knew he'd never consent to something like me calling him by his first name – can't get too _close_ to the prisoners. Really, I just did him a favor. What I got to say ain't for the kiddies.

I knew I got his full attention now, though, so I sprawled out, taking up as much room as I could, making sure his eyes couldn't help but be on me. And then I sat right up, making sure my face looked absolutely serious, my expression earnest, and my eyes clear and as innocent as I could get 'em. Time for the bombshells, baby.

"I know who took Beecher to the gym."

Boom.

"I know who beat him."

Boom.

"Hell, I even know who broke which bone," I revealed, letting my eyelids droop down, watching closely for his reaction.

And I wasn't disappointed. McManus snapped his pencil in half, and a deliciously dead silence stretched out between us.

"Wh- wha- how-?" Poor Timmy couldn't get the words out fast enough, yet his brain kept supplying more.

"Ask me something you don't already know the answer to," I said, grinning at him. Toby'd already made it plain this was what I had to do, but he didn't say I couldn't have a little fun with it.

~

I get why McManus put me in here, but how'm I supposed to let Beecher know that I did what he asked? Can't trust the grapevine, truths get passed on fourth-hand and all twisted up. Fuck! I gotta get out of here. I want my due, my reward. I want Toby.


End file.
